Angi Taylor Show Recap With Jay The Gay
Photo: PATCHARIN SIMALHEK / iStock / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed
Oh God, here we go once again, it's another day where Angi almost died. I know, I know, you've heard this story 6,000 times or so but guess what, we're back in that saddle once more. At this rate, you would think that Angi has a death wish. Personally, I'm not surprised that Jay the Straight has Mitzy Rain, the big titted 24 year old blond, on standby for when she finally bites it. So, are you curious to hear how she almost finally took her place in the afterlife next to Prince? Well, it all started with her showboating in a video that you can see on all of our socials (Facebook group, Instagram, X, etc.) The irony of what occurred had to do with a misplaced worry that goes all the way back to last week when Angi assumed she would be murdered and thrown into the river when she biked to work at 3 A.M. With yesterday being her first ride in the morning and having nothing go wrong, Angi was feeling invincible. She bragged about her helmet, her 600 pound backpack full of contraband and how she had this incredible lock on her bike. All this though was no match for the city's greatest enemy, the pothole, which eluded Angi in the morning ride but came out swinging on the home trek. Five minutes after making the video, Angi was on one of her greatest fears (a bridge) and she had to make some choices. Seeing as the Michigan Ave bridge is not paved and is more of a great, she opted for the sidewalk portion of it because it was bad for the bike tires. Also bad for the bike tires was her going between the metal grating and concrete to avoid a pothole only to have the tire slide into an opening. This halted the ride, sent Angi, her glasses, bag and lock flying and wouldn't you know it, she landed in the path of an oncoming CTA bus. Luckily, the car and bus that were inbound did not hit her or her trash that was scattered along the bridge but that didn't mean there weren't problems. After a bunch of tourists helped up this obviously frail woman, she collected her belongings and Ubered home. The end result was that her bike is a wreck, she's covered in bruises and has a knot above her eye. The thing is, she did have one piece of luck on her side because of an earlier incident that involved her injuring herself (is anyone even shocked anymore?) saved her from worse injury. As you may recall if you're a long time listener, a few years back while on a boat cruise meant to impress clients (not those kinds of clients) Angi was doing the "Cupid Shuffle." However, somewhat sober Angi went to the left in heels and she fell and broke her wrist. This caused her to go to the hospital where she became Wonder Taylor, having titanium put in place where she used to have wrist bones. When she fell yesterday though, she used that titanium wrist and the left side of her body to break her fall. The correct way to look at this anemic mess is as a leopard, as she has spots all over her body only they are purple and don't blend well. So for the time being, Angi is done with biking. It might also have to do with the fact that the bike is messed up, she doesn't have insurance on it and she only would need to bike to work for like another two and a half months. Instead, she will bite the Uber bullet for the time being as it's slightly cheaper than parking at the frat boy flop apartments. She did learn a valuable lesson out of all of this. When (if) she returns to biking, she will now walk the bike across the bridge instead of chancing riding it. I'm assuming the other thing she learned was that life is clearly out to get her and she should probably just stop leaving the house.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
So, Angi almost dying was the biggest story of the morning (which at the rate she ends up in that position, you'd think it would be less of a big deal.) This is not about the Taylor Death Tour though but about the thought that crossed her mind before she almost became street pizza. See, while crossing the bridge that almost killed her, Angi found herself annoyed (shocker) with the tourists who were blocking the way and taking pictures. This was a minor inconvenience at best but it was enough to ruin her day (before you know, she cratered onto the bridge.) This led to the topic of considering tiny inconveniences that can ruin a person's day. Examples for the sake include one that Marris felt deep inside, which is pushing on a pull door as you end up looking stupid. When you charge your phone for hours and it ends up not working cause the charger was borked. One for the ladies is wearing a jumpsuit and immediately needing to pee as it requires effort to take it off and then you need to sit naked on the toilet. Getting a song stuck in your head and you can't remember the lyrics so you loop a portion of it. This actually happened to Angi with Papa Roach's "Last Resort" (the irony) and she found herself lying in bed singing "cut my life" over and over in her head. How about when you go to watch a Youtube video and you get a 1 minute unskippable ad in the middle of it! As for Marris' actual choice for the list, when people ignore the green right turn arrow and sit there. Toss in when at a red light and it turns green and people start honking. Those right there seem like an absolute recipe for road rage. Also annoyed with car shenanigans is 103.5's Jason Brown, who hates when he goes to get gas at the pump, puts his card in and it says, "See Cashier Inside." Personally, if that happened to me, I would just burn the whole gas station to the ground. So, now that they've raged, let's go to the Request Line and hear the roadie rages. Starting us off today was Denise, who complained about her dog waking her up at 5 A.M. to go out when she doesn't need to be up until 8 A.M. I mean, she does feel like she's a jerk for wanting to not get up but sleep is precious and hard to come by. This happens to Angi all the time where he dogs wake her up and then proceed to do nothing once they get outside. Head Roadie Glenn said when you're talking on the phone on the street and someone interrupts you with some stupid nonsense. Head Roadie Brian brought out the elevator hate by doing that beloved accidental thing where you don't look and go to push but end up jamming your finger up a wall. Here's a break in the action to mention the literal pinnacle one, liking an Instagram post from 3 years ago accidentally (THE WORST.) Fred said tripping while walking up stairs. Angi used this as an excuse to recall the time she did it holding her baby, which she luckily did not drop. Marris will trip up occasionally and then look around to see if anyone saw. I haven't done it in a while (fingers crossed) but I was always falling down stairs. Jeff said when you're running late for work and then your body decides, it's time to poop and you have to waste 20 mins in the bathroom. This, of course, triggered Angi's "why are you in there for 20 minutes!" rant because she is in and out in 30 seconds. She doesn't understand the biology of mens bodies and why it just takes so long. We used an example as our last point and got a bonus fact as well. Going on an escalator and people hog one side or when they get off, they stop at the bottom. Marris sees this as an overall tricky situation that always offers either a rush or a saunter which is accurate. As for the fact, Wyoming only has 2 escalators in the state (and honestly, not much else.) If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (The Angi Taylor Show) and read up or drop us a comment.
Right enough death talk, let's get to some middle of the week nonsense. To start, let's tackle some things that are socially acceptable but if you actually took a moment to consider them, they would be just super weird.
- Spending $10,000 dollars to bury a corpse in the ground. This is an absolute racket, why not just take the body and throw it in a hole in the ground like the mobsters do?
- Balloons. This is literally just a rubbery plastic sack of breath.
- Ties being a standard for business attire. This triggers Marris as he has a fat, thick...neck.
- Cards. You are wasting money on a piece of paper that gets glanced at for 10 seconds and then ends up in the trash. Honestly, do a personal note for a birthday instead.
- Clapping. You're showing appreciation by smacking your hands together.
- Acknowledging a sneeze. Why do we need to supplement a bodily function with a phrase?
- Customer Service Voices. We all know you're faking it, stop it.
- Purses. Angi doesn't understand why men don't use them. Marris explained that he has pockets for that and if he had a murse, he would carry his Switch and flask in it. Angi also took a moment to hate on Samsung again (what a bitch.)
Finally, have you ever wanted to be spied upon in an AirBNB by a celebrity? After exploring the time that Angi found cameras in the bathroom of her AirBNB and a note above the bed that said "I'm watching you," Marris told his AirBNB horror story. He rented one for a wedding party of 8 and this condo was leaving out jail mats and air mattresses as a way to accommodate them since it only had two bedrooms. There was also a cot shoved in a walk-in closet and then they could have probably used the tub as a place to sleep as well. Even though these are horror stories, another recently presented option could also be considered as one because of the host. Apparently, celebrated actress Gwyneth Paltrow is putting up her guest house for AirBNB rental. In spending probably way too much money, you also get to have dinner with her and her husband in her wine room (where you can pick your own bottle of wine.) You also get a spa day, a transcendental meditation session, techniques for a better life and some GOOP products. You should probably realize before you throw fists full of money at this that you'll be eating vegan food and the jade vaginal egg will probably cost you extra.
Request Wars 3.0
Champion: Marris (2x)
Angi's Song Choice: "Mr. Brownstone" by Guns N' Roses
Marris' Song Choice: "Hash Pipe" by Weezer
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Angi's Bike Helmet
Hell, let's go further and credit the inventor of the bike helmet. If it wasn't for that, Angi's brains would have been splattered everywhere yesterday after her fall. This is the best time to echo a timely message: Always Wear a Helmet, People!
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I am the leopard, all the spots." - Angi
"You want my cucumber?" - Marris
"YES, I want your cucumber!" - AngiCall in PointOther Stuff from Today's ShowRequest Wars 3.010 O' Clock ToastShow Quotes and Tidbits